


Within Me, My Beloved(discontinued, probably)

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angel John laurens, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, Bisexual Eliza Schuyler, F/M, Gay John Laurens, Ghost John, Ghost John Laurens, Help, M/M, Other, angel/ghost, gay maria reynolds, ghost au, lesbian maria reynolds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-01-22 13:22:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12482560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: (Ghost! AU)As long as Philip could remember, Philip has always been able to see a man. He always told Philip his name was John. John Laurens. After moving to his fathers house during high school, he learns a few secrets about his infamous father and his 'imaginary' friend, John. What happens when John stops visiting Philip? What happened to his father before Philip's birth?





	1. Moving day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip says his goodbyes to his siblings and mother as he makes his way to his fathers house three hours away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goddddddd  
> I love this AU so much and was inspired to to make a modern and ghost au crossover! Anyways, I hope you all enjoy.

Philip grunted as he set the last of his box of items in his father's truck. After years of living with his mother, Philip was finally moving in with his dad. His parents had a divorce when Philip extremely young. Along with Philip, him and his siblings had a hard time adjusting to the split life. Sure, there were more presents and more friends- but he always wanted them to get together again. Philip knew that day would come years before the couple separated. John told him so.

Oh, John?. John Laurens- his imaginary friend. John talked to Philip as much as he could. He has been with Philip as long as he could remember. John never left Philip. He looked similar to a man in Alexander's photo albums. He had always wanted to ask who it was, but he felt like it was never a good time to ask. John would never tell him. John says ask Alexander before you ask him. He never understood why. John always looked the same. His hair was always tied up tight in a hair tie with a few dark curls that popped out. His face was sprinkled with freckles, similar to himself. John had joked he was Philip's real mother.

John always wore camouflage pants with a white tang top that seemed to have a few rips and shreds accompanied with a a. A navy-blue jacket that was never zipped always hung over his shoulders. Philip never questioned why his outfit stayed the same- maybe he thought it was because John only talked to and socialized with Philip.

Philip heard footsteps behind him. He turned around, seeing his mother he gave a half smile.

"Do you have everything, Pip?" She asked, her voice always so soft. Philip nodded as Eliza gave him a hug. "Well, have a safe trip-don't give your father any trouble!" She warned, only half joking. Eliza new how much of a handful Philip could be at times.

"Don't worry, Ma, Pops will keep me in check." He laughed as he jumped in Alexander's truck. "I'll make sure I stay safe at Pop's-I'll be fine!" He buckled his seat belt as he shut the door of the vehicle. His mother walked away.

Alexander waved his younger children goodbye as he closed the door to the house. He always missed his children- but he did have a time he need to be home, so the two would have to hurry if they were to be home on time. It was a three hour drive back to his house. He hugged Eliza, passing her an envelope before jumping in his truck.

"You ready, Freckles?" Alexander asked, a grin crawling on his face. Philip laughed at the name before nodding.

"Yup, now let's go Pa- I don't want to miss the school orientation!" He said, excitedly jumping in his seat as he turned up the radio. Philip looked into the rear view mirror as the truck exited the driveway.

He saw John standing at the end of the driveway.

Philip had no doubt in his mind that John would be at his father's house when they arrived.


	2. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Philip and Alexander finally make it home after their long trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the support guys! :D anyways here's the story as promised

Philip blew some curls out of his face as the truck pulled into the driveway. He saw John messing with the drawstrings of his jacket as he sat on the steps of Alexander's porch.

"It's just as big as I remember," Philip hummed happily as he walked inside. The house hadn't changed since the last time he stayed with his father. Though- the last time he visited was a few months ago during the summer. The house was roomy and seemed to have a calming atmosphere. For being a single father with one child in the house, the house was pretty big. There was an attic, two floors, and a basement full of memories. Philip never understood why his father needed such a big house, but Alexander tended to have meetings at his home. He plopped on the couch and sighed happily. 

Alexander walked in with a few of Philip's boxes and chuckled at the sight of the other. "Getting comfy, I see- Come on, help your man out...After your orientation we can go get some pizza," Alexander suggested as he started walking up the stairs to Philip's room. 

After half an hour or so of unpack, the two were on their way to Philip's new school. Philip had gotten...in trouble, to say the least, in his last school a few times too may for the school's taste.

But he had a good reason! Some kid named James or whatever was hitting another student. He forgot her name...Maria? Eh, they didn't talk very often. John persuaded Philip to step in and take action. Before John persuaded him, Philip was just going to check on Maria afterwards.

You see, John had this tendency to sway Philip in participating in non-threatening actions. Of course, they weren't dangerous to Philip, they just helped others that couldn't help themselves. Philip could describe John as a brilliant man with a brave heart, always so compassionate and caring. John could go from such an angered state to the sweetest man in a second. It confused Philip a bit, but he always shrugged it off. 

The radio played rapping pop songs as the two drove to the new school. They parked at the far end of the parking lot, steering away from some rowdy teenagers driving like maniacs. Alexander didn't want his truck to get totaled by a bunch of underdeveloped adults. 

You see, Philip was in his Junior year, but Alexander already saw his own traits in his son at a young age. For starters, Philip was so enthusiastic in his hobbies. He was never kicked out of his old school because of his work or grades- no, Alexander knew about the antics that his son involved himself in, though Alexander knew this was a trait from himself and not his dear mother, Eliza. 

Speaking of antics, Philip had developed Alexander's pride for what they believed in. Fight until the end and show mercy to the opposing; that was a common saying for the Hamilton family, started by Alexander. Philip had grew up and saw how excited his father would get into his favorite things, he always aspired to be like that- and he did grow up like that. 

The two made their way to the schools gym, thankfully blessed with a map of the school when they entered the front door. The gym was packed. Hundreds of students, teachers, and parents were screaming and yelling, trying to talk over each other. Alexander gripped Philip's arm as he walked through the room to find a seat on the bleachers, "Stay close," Alexander mumbled as he continued walking. Philip furrowed his eyebrows at the sudden hold he was on by his father, but shrugged it off. His pops was just trying to be safe. 

The two found a couple empty seats in the middle of the bleachers, but it was total Hell try to push through the unruly juveniles. Philip sat down next to a young female that was sitting next to her possible father. 

"Hello, I'm Philip" Philip chirped to the girl, holding his hand out to her. She stared at his hand for a second before reluctantly taking it and shook it, almost like she thought the other was planning something. 

"Theodosia Burr," she looked at the freckled boy for a moment before smiling warmly, "You're new here, aren't you?"


	3. Guts and Galore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter that explains how John's death became in this modern AU, along with where Alexander met the gang and John,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oml sorry guys that this took too long but here you go >:D
> 
> Also sorry uhhh spoiler....death????  
> This is a Ghost Au what did you expect

"So, we aren't receiving any sort of backup for a whole week..?!" John Laurens scoffed as he heard the news from his group of fellow soldiers. John crossed his arms, not believe what he just heard. "This is so stupid...The war's already over, we all need to go home, it's been months since I've visited America. Lithuania is freezing compared to-"

Just as John started ranting he heard some screaming come from a few hundred feet away, right after the sudden call for help came a loud boom. John felt the air tense up in fear of what just happened. The team of men and women stopped what they were doing, glancing at each other before their eyes darted over to John, awaiting his response.

John honestly wasn't sure what to do. What sounded like cries of help and gun shots could have easily been fatal. Was John's group next..? He couldn't risk the team's life for a simple mistake.

"Grab your guns and follow me," John said in a low voice to make sure he wasn't heard from any sort of intruders. He felt like he was being watched. John looked down at the ground that was covered with nothing but bits and pieces of plants, trees, sticks, remains of human and animal parts, and more. John noticed some sort of metallic shine beam through the plants.

John took a closer look and got on his knees, almost gasping at the sight.

A bomb.

An **active** bomb.

John grabbed the surprisingly light for a bomb and held it close to his chest and started running away from the crowd of soldiers. He needed to get away.

**BAM. BAM.**

Gunshots were heard throughout the scene. Within seconds, the area was covered with bloodshed from either side.

John kept running before he hid near an old tree. He slumped down the tree and fumbled with the explosive. There were wires and springs of all sorts scattered around the machinery. The freckled man wiped away the sweat that had formed on his completion. Lauren's shaky hands fiddled with the wires but his efforts gained no results from the explosive.

John didn't notice how heated his face looked or that tears were prickling in his eyes. He couldn't focus on that now, people's lives depended on him, he couldn't let anyone down. The gunshots had died down. His fellow recruits would be coming for him any second now.

John unbuttoned his dark green army jacket and wrapped it around the small explosive. It was about the size of his head. After wrapping the explosive a few times John got on his knees and pulled the device close to his chest.

**_I may not live to see our glory._ **

God, he was only 23. He couldn't die so young. What about his family, his friends? What about Hercules? Marquis? Alexander?

**_But I will gladly join the fight._ **

Alexander. Alexander Hamilton. One of his closest friends. God, he hadn't seen the other in months, almost a year. The letters they sent each other was the only form of contact he could have with him. It was painful and hear-wrenching. How would Alexander react to the death of him? They loved each other with everything. He remembered the first time they met.

_'John laughed like a maniac as he took another sip of his Guinness, swaying in his seat. It was the first night of college and the boy was already getting drunk with his friends._

_"No, No, Mon Frere, that's stupid! You'll leave us behind!" Marquis exclaimed to the group of friends. John was explaining what he was at university for. Medical or a Biologist Major. He had always loved animals or helping others. John rolled his eyes and he glanced around the bar, a smirk plastered on his face._

_"You should become a stand-up comedian, then maybe people can laugh at you and feel good about it!" Hercules teased, his face flushed pink as he just had finished half a bottle of Vodka. John rolled his eyes and punch Hercules in the arm, sticking his tongue out at his friend._

_John glanced around the bar, seeing a young man walk in. The boy looked lost and a bit confused._

_John got up from his seat and sauntered to the boy, "You look lost, kid, whatcha' name?" John's words were a bit slurred but the brunette didn't seem to mind._

_"Alexander Hamilton, I'm looking for Kings College...Can you help me..?" The boy asked as a gentle smiled lingered on Alexander's face._

_John nodded, "Of course, here, let me show you around, meet Hercules Mulligan, Aaron Burr, and Marie-Joseph Paul Roch Gilbert du Montier, Marquis de Lafayette." John saw the perplexed look on Alexander's face and laughed, a hiccup escaping his lips. "Don't worry Alexander, everyone calls him Lafayette..." Alexander quickly adjusted to the ground of friends, greeting the friends happily.'_

John was quickly struck from his thoughts as a quiet, rapid-sounding beep came from the deadly explosive. His body loosened as he let himself accept his upcoming fate. John looked up at the sky and smiled, feel a sudden calmness overcome his body. He felt so anxious and over-washed by the frightening excitement...he didn't feel excited at all.

**_And when our children tell our story_ **

John closed his eyes as a small tick sounded from the machine. Within milliseconds of the tick, a loud boom rang all around John. For only a moment he felt pain, but it quickly faded. He looked down at himself, blood was everywhere and his body was mangled in disassembled fragments in a gory mess. John hitched his breathe before closing his eyes and shutting them for the last time.

**_They'll tell the story_ **

**_of_ **

**_tonight._ **


	4. Memory lane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Philip leaves for the first day, John decides to do some digging. Was that all a mistake?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus this took forever to write but THANK YOU GUYS FOR THE KUDOS AND HITS I LOVE Y'ALL I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS MY DUDES

_7:30_

Philip extended his arms out in a tired stretch. The curly-haired boy let out a loud yawn as he woke up from his blaring alarm that lay next to him. Turning it off, Philip heard a loud scoff from the opposite side of the bedpost.

"Jesus- turn that down, Pip- ya gon' wake up China!" John groaned, sitting on the edge of Philip's bed. Had he been there all night long? The boy would ask the other later. He had other things to do this morning.

Within a few minutes Philip had gotten dressed. The boy had some ripped jeans and a grey jacket that fell loosely off his shoulders, a white tank top worn underneath the jacket. He walked out of his room, his sneakers clicked on the wooden floor. The house seemed so empty. Was his father at work?

The freckled boy sauntered around the large house for a few minutes before confirming his previous thought. He decided to stop searching and get something for the road. Grabbing his school bag, Philip ran out the house.

"Hey! Wait for me-!" John called out to Philip before the door slammed shut. John furrowed his eyebrows, letting out a loud sigh.

Should he follow the kid around? John did want to make sure Philip was going to be okay, it was the first day at an entirely new school after all...

...but he wanted to see Alexander.

God he missed the man. Alexander was such a treasure. His soft hair. His rebellious yet obedient psyche. The man's suave and determined personality. The way he seemed so motivated. The way he fought for the things he loved. It was stunning and so hard not to love.

John traipsed around the residence, observing the pictures on the wall, the interior design, all sorts of small things here and there. The furnishing is nothing less than he expected from the man. The chairs and seating were covered in soft material colored grey. The dark decor looked absolutely stunning to the the spirited being. John walked around the rooms for a few moments before heading towards the hallway that was upstairs where a few spare bedrooms- along with Philip's- sat.

A few frames hung on the wall in such an elegant way he would expect from the Hamilton. A particular picture caught the male spirit's vision. It was a picture of himself from nearly fifteen years ago.

Wait- fifteen years?! It couldn't have been that long, has it...?

The photo was the picture of him upon arriving in Lithuania. He had a camouflage jacket and cargo pants. under the jacket, a white tank top was worn. The picture was crinkled and a bit torn. There was inked words on the bottom of the photo as well as some splattered drops of blood and dirt surrounding the photo.

"Awh- I was so small.." John let out a nostalgic sigh before backing up from the photo frame. In the picture, John was kneeling in a short bundle of dead grass. The man's hair was tied back as a semi-automatic weapon rested in his hands loosely. The biggest grin was plastered on the freckled stature. He looked almost identical to the photo. It gave John borderline chills go down his spine for a moment before the feeling had faded.

**BANG.**

John made a quick 180° turn to the noise.

The deceased man rushed down the stairs in a clumsy rush. He swore Philip had gone to school.

John looked around for a few minutes until seeing the one he had been looking for.

Alexander.

The spirited man had his messy hair up in a bun as he rushed up the basement stairs, a case of some sort in one hand- a coffee in the other. The top-part of his body had a suit on- the bottom part only had some sport shorts and some slippers on.

"Just end me-" Alexander sarcastically mumbled, slamming the coffee mug on the table a she grabbed his pants off the counter. John never noticed that they were there before. "I am so freaking late!" Alexander growled frustratingly as he picked up a bag full of what John assumed was work from his job.

" ** _Alexander-!_** " John exclaimed, holdings his arms out as he ran towards the man.

His arm went right through Alexander's body, not a single sign of disturbance from the short man.

His heart _shattered_.

It was almost like he had forgotten that feeling. The feeling of phasing through a living being. Ever since he came to become a spirit, he had always been able physically touch Philip. Philip was always talking to him, pushing him, laughing and joking with him. It felt so odd to lose that feeling.

With a slam of the front door, Alexander was out of sight to John.

The freckled spirited wished for the good days. The days where he could still interact with Alexander. The times when they could do nothing but sit together and yet his day would only seem to get better. The days when he was still alive. What he would do to bring those days back.

After a few minutes of pure sulking, John decided to finally start what he stayed for. Research.

Since Alexander still had his photo hung up from when he was in Lithuania, did that mean he still had things related to John stored away? In a weird way, he sort of hoped so. Hopefully the man hadn't just thrown away anything that slightly resembled him. He knew Eliza had a tendency to do a similar sort of task.

John looped around the property,walking out of the kitchen to a closed door he could only assume was a basement door that sat in the hallway.

It was a closet.

"Next door..?" John asked hopefully as he grabbed the handle to the door next to the closet, the hinges creaking hideously. "Someone needs so oil, huh?" John retorted as he looked into the doorway.

There was elongated stairs that looked liked they led to a sort of room- maybe a bedroom? Was that Alex's room? John walked down the stairs and flipped the lights on without touching the switch, controlling the electricity via fluctuation. a.k.a: John's 'Ghost Powers' the name on behalf of Philip.   
  
The first thing he noticed was a desk cluttered with paperwork. Yep, this was definitely The older Hamilton's room. The bed was a bit messy with the blankets and some clothes mixed in a pile at the edge of the queen-sized bed. There was a bit of clothes around the room here and there. A t.v sat on the dresser, a news channel still turned on. There were few boxes sitting underneath the workspace.

The spirited man sauntered over to the boxes and opened them, curiosity overriding his caution conscience that circled around privacy.

He opened the first box one cardboard tab at a time. John looked into the box, furrowing his eyebrows as he peeked inside, but the curiosity that filled him drained upon seeing what the box contained.

"Silverware?" John sighed heavily as he got up from the ground, looking down at the other few boxes. He speculated the other had similar items inside. He didn't feel like looking through plates and forks at the moment. Maybe later.

He crossed his arms and sat down at the edge of the bed. Alex had to have something relating to John somewhere. Suddenly, the curly-haired man saw something in the corner of his dark eyes.

An open door.

He slid off the corner of the bed and strolled over to the wooden door, grabbing the handle and pushing the door open.

A laundry room.

There was a basket of clothes next to the machines washing and drying the clothes, both machines running. A carpet was sitting in front of the machines, the color slowly fading from the carpet. It was quite roomy for a laundry room. He noticed two doors in the room that sat next to each other.

John opened both doors to see where each led.

The first one led to the upstairs.

The second one had stacked boxes inside, some piles of old clothes and similar items. There was a small shelf of only what he could assume was some sort of books or albums.

John shut the first door and walked inside the second room, flickering the lights on as he went to check inside the dark room. He went over to the short bookshelf and grabbed a random book. Flicking open pages, he almost dropped the book upon opening it. It was Alexander's old textbooks.

Within the dusty pages, several letters and drawings were placed behind the cover. It was all the letters that he had sent to Hamilton while he was still in college. Pages and pages of the folded notes fell out of the textbook as he continued to flip through the book.

He grabbed a handful of the letters, his hands shaking in the process. It felt so _surreal_.

"He saved every letter I wrote him-" John started, feeling a small smile cross his face. Brushing some of his curls back, John stood up and went over to a box on the opposite side of the area. He opened the tabs quite quickly, eager to figure out what was inside. There were pictures of young children, all of the photos labeled according to whom was all in the photograph. This must be the Hamilton's baby photos.

Within a few hours of reading, searching, digging, and scanning, John knew he should leave the room. It would be super unhealthy for him emotionally if he stayed in the room for much longer. John organized the materials and items the way he had found them, the album and textbooks situated on the wooden bookshelf. The clothes were assorted in their own individual piles.

A loud engine blared outside, signaling that the school bus was outside.

Only a minute passes when he hears footsteps from upstairs. John phased through the floors to see Philip.

"So, how was it?" John asked, holding a frame in his hand. He glanced over to Philip, who looked a bit puzzled at the spirit.

"It was a bit crazy, I guess- what's that?" Philip pointed to the frame as he set down his bag on the arm of the couch.

John looked at Philip one last time before letting out a lighthearted sigh, looking down at the picture frame that used to hang in the upstairs hallway, "Philip, you really wanna know?"


End file.
